On my way from worry to happy

(Personal discoveries at and after Creativity and Intuition workshop with Ariel and Shya Kane in Hamburg, April 5-7, 2013)

A bit more than a week ago, I have participated at the Creativity and Intuition workshop with Ariel and Shya Kane. Meeting them as well as all of the 104 participants was a real treat. If someone would have told me that I could get a feeling of familiarity with more than hundred individuals within a bit more than two days, I would have never believed them. But it did happen. And more so, I discovered that there are so many wonderful people to discover and communicate with every day, for however short we can meet them. They enrich and make our days, why not giving them a gift of smile in return?

I will never forget a day several years ago in Copenhagen airport, how an open, friendly smile from a beautiful woman in a sari, who looked straight into my eyes, has awaken me from my worried state of being and made me smile. At the first moment, I didn’t know what to do with this feeling, but in spite of myself, this wonderful warmth and state of being seen lingered for quite a long part of that day and I still get a wonderful cozy feeling inside and pleasant goose bumps on my skin when I think of this wonderful stranger-friend.

Such happenings as above were sporadic earlier, but since I practice and apply instantaneous transformational approach developed by Shya and Ariel Kane, these happen more often. And what is especially amazing is that it happens more and more often that I am that person giving a gift of warm smile to seemingly total strangers and it is wonderful to see how the frozen concern on their faces melt as they smile at me. It is always such a treat.

I would like to share five of hundreds and hundreds of discoveries I made during the workshop in Hamburg and in the days after, and still making. These five and especially the first two help me to come out of upset, because they serve me as signals that I am stuck and seemingly not able to get out.

And before I shoot the five “bullets” let me shoot the most important skyrocket that, as soon as I realize it again and again, is an amazing miracle for me: Whatever feeling I have, however hard and bothering it might seem, I don’t need to look for its reasons. The only two things “to do” here are to be honest and to be aware of it and just say the words in my mind: “I feel … (fill in the blanks)” and the best to precede them with an “Aha” and/or “Wow!”. And then I immediately feel better and actually I am out of the trap and see which way to go next.

So, here are the five discoveries I mentioned above.

1. Blame. When I blame or disagree, whether in my thoughts or out loud, with a person or an activity I am in the middle of having, then I am either feeling unwell, I am tired or simply displeased and not enjoying myself. There are two interesting things about this. First of all, I usually blame people I highly respect and want to learn from, be it members of my family or my favorite teachers, role models, good friends, or be it things I really adore to do, like reading, writing, having a cozy time with a cup of espresso etc. etc. The phrases like the following come then to my mind: “I shouldn’t have done this! That is why I feel like that. I should break any contact with that person, because talking to her/him is always upsetting!” etc. etc. And here comes the truth: the word “always” is NEVER true! It is never always (!) upsetting. On the contrary, there are more pleasing moments than seemingly hateful moments with any person I know.

And the second funny thing was mentioned during the “skyrocket” description above: I don’t have to look for a reason why I feel bad and blame someone or something. Actually, if I start looking for a reason, I will start blaming again, the same or other people or even things or events, but still blaming. But if I rather just notice that I am unwell or tired or upset then I immediately have an idea what can help me: stretch, have a nap, make a little dance (Ariel and Shya, if you ever read this, thanks for the great idea to have a dance after lunch!), have a cup of espresso – with or without chocolate, write and cheer a friend etc. etc. or simply go back to whatever I was doing, but with a smile since up till then my upset or unhappiness is gone. And the mere appearance of this idea or ideas gives me a boost of positive energy and makes me smile. And when I do what this idea suggests and enjoy the process, then I just feel happy. And this whole cycle has happened already dozens of times during the days after the workshop and the blaming phases get shorter and shorter. Amazing! As a consequence of all of this, I feel the ease of being compassionate with other people, since the above is nothing else than being compassionate with myself.

2. Fear and over-planning. If I have an idea that what I am about to do or to go to is not my wish or idea, then I am usually afraid to start this activity or go to an appointment. And the fear is mainly that with that activity, which can be as simple as taking a shower, or on the other “end” going to an appointment, which I might as well have initiated, will not make me feel happy. And in order to still this fear, I plan a lot of different things in my thoughts (and sometimes do them), or just daydream of the past or future or 100% hypothetical events. This happened quite often in my life. Even if I managed to be on time to an appointment, then I was usually in a big hurry before the event, because I left so little time for me to get ready for it. In the last several days the following helped me to come back to the current moment and consequently be in a good time and great mood when an event or appointment starts:

a) Realize that I don’t want to do what I am told to, in most cases by myself, and that I steal time from myself and produce thoughts in order to slow me down or even to sabotage of what I was about to do. These can be different thoughts. But usually they go like this: “I have to do this otherwise that will happen”. And such thoughts come in multiple numbers, often with no connection to each other nor to the activity, event or an appointment I have to and originally wanted to get to.

b) Remind myself of the promise I gave to myself and/or the others connected to the given activity, event or appointment.

c) Remind myself that this activity, event or appointment was and is my own idea.

Consequence of this little exercise, of which quite often no one apart from me is aware, is a big smile on my face and happy going/getting ready to event/appointment/activity.

3. Joy of listening. What a joy it is to listen, observe and be quiet! In the morning of the first full day of the workshop, I pushed myself to go on stage when someone was standing there and I tried to contribute. Although I didn’t agree with Shya then (see bullet 1 above 🙂 ), I confess that I was trying to defend the person standing there without really being able to contribute constructively and without actual need for them to be defended since Ariel and Shya were skillfully bringing them into the current moment. After lunch on that day and without thinking much about where to sit, I chose a seat in the last row, although there were still a lot of empty seats to choose from. My intuition seemed to tell me: “Just listen!” And this is what I did. It was an amazing experience! Doing this, that is just listening and paying attention to what was happening on stage I made more discoveries about myself. First of all, I wanted to go alone to the stage and talk on what touched me but I was afraid to do it on my own. Instead I went when someone of my fellow participants was already there on stage. And secondly, I discovered that many of my questions were asked and answered without me putting them and even before a question was formed in my head. I did go to the stage one more time during the workshop and this was on the last day of the seminar to report of the bumpy adventure in my thoughts during that weekend, and how the transformation or rather transformational lifestyle left and come, left and come, left and come, how I discovered that there is always space for it to come back if I just let it, and how grateful I was to Shya, Ariel and all the participants for the great experiences I had a chance to gain. So, I discovered that listening and observing is a great tool to find out a way, when I feel lost.

4. Saying yes to a No. I realized or rather experienced that a No to me must not be personal and must not necessarily feel personal. I discovered that a No is not negative, that it is just a change of direction. And there are so many directions to choose from. I discovered that it is ok to say no, if I really feel like it. If I choose to say No, then I just change direction, notice this and move in this new direction. But if I am constantly saying No, then I am turning and turning around my own axis without moving any further. And this constant turning: “No, I don’t like that, better this! Oh no, not this, that! Oh, no, no, no, better this!…”, makes me feel as dizzy and unsure as I would be literally turning around myself all the time. So, I realized that a No can be really healthy, and just what I need, as long as I notice it and say again Yes to my life.

5. Strangers are not really strangers. Before the seminar, I didn’t often look into the eyes of complete strangers. I was afraid to intrude into forbidden territory and of what I might find there. During the workshop, we were first encouraged to look into each other’s eyes, as for example during dancing, and later it came naturally. And the greatest discovery came on the last day of the workshop during exercises and also when I was staying on stage and talking to Shya and Ariel. It is very comforting and reassuring to look into the other person’s eyes, even if a conversion taking place is serious. The compassion from the person you talk to is revealed through her/his eyes. And after the seminar, I noticed that people, whether I know them or not, welcome open straight looks into their eyes.

Eye contact, smile and listening can do real magic and turn a total stranger into a really good friend.

And as a finish to this small report, I would like to share a beautiful Irish expression that one of my Facebook and transformation friends, Valerie Paik, has shared with me: “Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet”.

I wish everyone many wonderful discoveries and new friends every day!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *